September 16th, 2009
My friendships are the hands on a clock. Hour to hour provides new best friends.I'll be the screw in the center for you to pivot around second by second.Minute by minute.hour by hour.Don't try to use the word "forever" around me. I know nothing lasts even close to that long.Every watch breaks eventually.Sometimes, it's just beyond fixing.
July 6th, 2009
If today I said "Hello, I miss you." would you tell me again who she is. Cause I've changed since we first started, but that's when you liked who I was. I'm no longer an idiot but I'm still stupid as ever. Get out of my thoughts where you took up residence 2 years ago. Don't even think about moving back in. This is your letter of eviction. You, a convicted liar and sweet-talker. Pick me up off the floor, I'm in shock and awe that you lured someone else into your beartrap of a heart. Don't you need to have a soul in order to have heart? Don't you need to have heart in order to fall in love? Where do you come in in that food chain? You're the slow decay after life and after love, eating as thoughts of you rot away. Fill up, little boy, I've got time to waste on the past. 2.27.07
April 29th, 2009
I've crossed a lot of people in my highschool years. It's what we're trained to do. Subconciously, that's what we're taught. The books we read, the assignments we do, the lectures that we listen to. The people we hurt, the hearts we break, the best friends that we give and take I have lived on this coast for as long as I've known and meeting these people, I can't wait to go. but all the people of the USA all of them are taught the same. East coast, west coast, south, and north tell me what they're lookin for. I know what I need and what I say hurting others gets them out of my way weed through my friends to pick and choose who i will keep and who I'll lose I got pictures of every one I've got pictures that don't tell any stories cause I don't take pictures of all our worries just my own, cause they won't let me see them at their worst I want to document it. I'll be the first to put your pain on the internet before you even get a chance to feel it.
April 27th, 2009
Your figure is not the reason I look up to you. It's your photos and the obvious time and thought you put into the angles and ideas. In fact, for most of them, I hardly pay attention to figure. I notice the detail and artistic thoughts behind them. It's a shame that figure is all some girls see. All they see is: "I am not her, I should be." I think that, but in a different way. In my head, it's not,"I should look like her. I envy her body." To me it's: "I should think like her. I envy her spirit and creativity." I wish the world could think like that. Maybe then, nobody would have to be sick.
March 22nd, 2009
I am not your child or a product of love a mistaken mistake that's not sent from above or sent from below because we all know how babies are made or I hope we all do When a man and a woman and semi-eternally bonded by 2 rings and the man beneath the cross there's just one mistake they may or may not make of producing a carbon copy or two it seems that after such they feel the aftershock that broke their marriage like a sidewalk neighboring San Andrea's Fault but those rings act as a legal lock stability becomes extinct and documents are inked names are signed where once entwined names take their leave split the apples from the trees one for you and one for me They'll make a lovely genocide this lovely teenage suicide constructing deaths and homemade bombs from splitting up their dads and moms they're sick to their hearts and they stick to their gut and they're tearing apart every last one of us you can meet all the kids all the boys all the girls with their mobile homes or their diamonds and pearls but their parents, well, they may as well be the same damn people split apart at the seams it started with love and it ended with me me and every single youngest child you see.
"You changed everything when you asked that."
I'm sorry. It doesn't mean a thing anymore, does it? How many months has it been? I guess I haven't learned you'll never feel the same because now, everything has changed. It was a hypothesis. Experiment. Or maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe next time, you shouldn't take me back. You took it as kindness I took it too far. Every time you took me back I loved you more and more.
March 19th, 2009
Her brain just exploded into a billion little pieces bright lights. loud sounds colors of seaglass radiation, followed by creation. Finally, she will be set free. Finally, she can sleep. Finality has finally found me.
March 18th, 2009
Say no prayer for me. I have no god to deliver his message "we're all going down." he said to me. I said "You are the most detailed figment my imagination has so far offered" I don't fear what I don't believe. I don't believe in what I fear. "Child, what do you believe in?" The mirror is dying to know. Asking again and again I reply "Mirror, I believe we're all gonna die. Just wait. Just wait, you'll be around to see the earth come crumbling down." The shock of devastation the famine and disease the utter destruction "This was not my doing I only saw it coming and so did you and, Lord, you did nothing."
March 14th, 2009
It's been a while, but i need a place that isn't myspace.
I thought "oh she's prettier than me" but I said "I'm just glad you're happy" Then you said "Never been better, I'll never forget her like I forgot you." Maybe the last line isn't the true. I could hear him thinking. "Stop falling in love. I don't want you. I didn't. I never should have let you so far in." and it hurts all over and I'm missing summer. Before I met you and you met her and then you were together. But she was another, this is reoccuring 7 months later.
January 4th, 2009
He keeps asking me. "Darling, how long have you been gone?" But I'm not answering because the answer keeps changing. 2 weeks 4 days 12 hours 47 minutes and 18 seconds. I don't want to be a liar every time time goes by.
January 2nd, 2009
>=/ @ 12:32 pm
I truely hate you out of sheer jealousy. It's an awful feeling like you ripped out my heart strings to make a leash short enough to hurt us both. I feel like my heart is getting sea sick and the butterflies that were living in my stomach are eating their way out to cause destruction in all of my other organs Hate is the real word for what I'm feeling. Hate is the only word to describe you. I would trade the world to see you alone.
December 29th, 2008
<center>but then it kept asking questions that pissed me off so I ended up throwing whatever was closest to me and thinking about what I wreck I am. I'm letting my relationship status control my self esteem, my habits, and my life. It's pathetic and therefore I'm pathetic. You got what you wanted no matter who you stepped on to get it and now you're throwing it out the window? You're such a fucking waste. <b>I love your boyfriend.</b> Lets get that out in the open right now. I know the world can read this. Let them. I. Don't. Care. You sure as hell don't care about me or him or anyone but yourself. You're just like the people you claimed to hate. You know who i mean. The liars, cheaters, and most of all, the fakes. That's who you are now. <b>FAKE.</b> I can barely remember when I used to not want to hurt your feelings and I'd do anything to save our friendship. You're throwing it out and i couldn't care less. I hope that soon you're left with nothing. You know why you're going to grow up alone? Because you put yourself before everyone and pretend like you're not a selfish son of a bitch. I really couldn't hate you more right now. You're a coward. You're a liar. <b>And you're a straight up cunt.</b> I'm not the only one thinking it, I'm just the only one to say it. He's miserable and suicidal because you're controlling him and you're driving him straight into the ground. Well, guess who's left to pull him out? And guess who fell for him while you were pushing him away? I'm done hiding because i know how much i want him to be happy and I know how much I want him in general. If you want to throw him out, that's fine with me. <b>Have fun being alone in this.</b> </center>
November 19th, 2008
I am cliche in the way that I love who I am and I will no longer change into another pressed butterfly in your book of primary colors because I am not afraid to be that shade of blue-green.
November 18th, 2008
you're saying that I'm cynical? well I disrespectufully agree though you'd only be so lucky if you were liked by me the reasons that I hate you are to infinite to list really, theres too many! well, if you insist: your clothes don't fit cause you're too fat your hair's a greasy mess I really can't go on but I'll just do my best you listen to music that makes my eardrums bleed and it makes me want to puke all the awful things you read your face has the same effect on my stomach and insides your fat rolls are repulsive i wish you would just die by choking on a taco see the irony in that? let me let you in it's cause your fat well I think I've said enough but I'll probably keep going because i really hate you and your asscrack's always showing.
yes, this is about a real person. Yes, i really feel this way. no, I don't take myself seriously.
November 11th, 2008
You are my musical inspiration with a sweeping soul sensation it won't spread across the nation, but it's taken hold of me. And it's holding on so tight like we both thought it might in the middle of the night I wrote your name for all to see and you're visually exciting and musically inclining and I will not bother hiding my interest in us I mean you. Is that so wrong? Just as long as I don't make a move.
November 9th, 2008
rant @ 08:18 pm
Don't act like you didn't see this coming I'm going at the speed of sight faster than you can hear and louder than you can see inventing new colors right before everyone's eyes. My insides have a voice of their own, but I haven't heard it speak up. My gut feeling is whispering and my heart has gone mute. We're in a troubled relationship, my mind and I and I for one will not give in. We're in a long distance thing and it's not working out for anyone involved. Because when we are apart I say everything that I think and I think I said some things I didn't mean No one saw this coming, not even me, and I'm the one who bought the rope. I'm the one who set the ladder at the right anglke and set the camera on the tripod. Never back down. There's only ten seconds on the time. You can't go back now. I tied it high enough so your feet will never reach the floor. And I locked it so they'll never get through the door. You're dead before I get my last word in. but you've heard it all before anyways.
November 3rd, 2008
Time over distance equals the ratio of the status quo and pi squared by two will never equal me and you and the square route of three divided by 1 will still be me and the speed of a bullet traveling 100 mph will get through my brains in 6.6 seconds flat and if you have 6 girls and you subtract me from you life where does that leave the other five? and if she is 90 percent of your time spent what percent am I? and six times six equals eighteen times two how often do I think of you?
October 18th, 2008
Paranoia, Schizophrenic. I'm bi-polar. You're pathetic.
Gonorhea, HIV. You're a walking std.
more post it note poems to come
October 14th, 2008
I don't understand why bad things always happen to the most incredible people.
It follows them wherever they go.
Honestly, you're one of the funniest, most amazing, and beautiful people I know and you sure as hell don't deserve this.
It kills me to see you being held down like this.
You could be so much more if you could just get out.
Just think, it's only a couple more years until you can and you're always welcome at my house if you ever need to get away again.
Call me whenever you need me, trust me, I'll always be here for you.
Even when we grow apart you can still come back any time.
Seeing those tears rolling down your face was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.
You just seem so strong and you don't let people bring you down.
It took all my power not to start crying too, though I did on the way home and for a while after.
Just don't let him pull you down.
Just because he's a failure, doesn't mean you are.
You've got amazing opportunities ahead of you and don't let anyone hold you back.
Please, if not for yourself, do it for me and all the other people who care about you.
Screw the ones who bring you down and talk shit.
You don't need them.
Live your life for yourself and us.
We need you most of all.
"And the last time that I saw her I didn't know what to say but thank you because you loved me, it's all on me. "
October 12th, 2008
I'm sick of being a coward.
there was one cute boy who I kept trying to make eye contact with across Denny's. It was stupid because I know I will never see him again, but I just wanted him to notice me. and every. single. time he looked over a fatass waitress walked between us. I know how stupid this all sounds, but it's the principle of the thing. I knew that I wouldn't be able to make him notice me because I'm spineless.
He doesn't matter, but it's not like he's the first. every guy I ever find attractive I can't talk to. He won't notice me. I'm fucking pathetic and I wish I wasn't a coward.
And I've only been even remotely close to dating a few guys all of which failed because I am a spineless idiot
exhibit a: Online/phone/long distance thing. I never met him because every time he said he was going to the mall, I backed out. I was too scared for him to hate me if he met me.
exhibit b: same kind of thing, except he hasn't made the effort to come see me yet, but I'm so terrified of when he will.
exhibit c: most recently. I liked him. He liked me. He acted like he wanted to kiss me. I chickened out and didn't kiss him. Now I doubt I'll ever have him. I constantly wonder if he'd be with who hes with now if I had gotten the nerve to just kiss him one time. maybe that's why he gave up and moved on.
there's been others, but most of them were just me overanalyzing everything and hallucinating that there was something there. I'm staring my fears right in the face and I hate hate hate it. I wish I had the courage to always do and say what I feel. I do like who I am, I could just do without the shyness. At this rate I'll be single, not kissed, and virginized forever. I really don't want that.
I need someone to teach me how to be brave.
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